Making Plans

I used to be the type of person who only made plans for myself. And I don' t mean vague "maybe I can do this" plans, I'm talking real concrete plans. My last vacation was last minute. I usually would have events only planned until 3 weeks ahead. Why? Because a few weeks ahead was all I could bear to think about, all I wanted to worry about.

I never ventured into making plans with anyone except my closest friends. And even then I probably drove them nuts verifying everything, because for me it was a forgone conclusion that most plans fall through. And, to be honest, a lot of them did.

I used to have plans, a long time ago. Future plans. Wedding plans. Kids plans (we even picked out names in order from 1st to 3rd born). Then when the "we" became just "me" again, more than the hurt and the pain of that loss, I felt the pain of losing all those plans as well. Saying goodbye to all those dreams and plans we'd built together was tough. I thought to myself, that making those plans was probably stupid, in fact I chided myself for making them.

But now I'm part of a "we" again. And I'm older (and thank God, so is he). And I'm tentatively making plans. Not too far out. But each time a little farther than I would have ventured to go before. Is that nuts? Am I setting myself up for a fall. Or is it the natural tendency of people when everything is going well to make plans based on the assumption that life preserves it's current goodness?

The great thing is he encourages me, he tells me that I am allowed to make plans. And having his permission bolsters a feeling in me that says that he too believes that things will continue and those plans are ok.

To be honest, it feels nice to have plans. It feels nice to have things to look forward to next month or the month after that. I know I can't make the same mistakes I did before. I'll take everything as it comes, rather than trying to plan out my life. But I can't really express how good it feels allowing myself to make plans.